One of the questions I received multiple times recently was: “Why is it so difficult to change our lives?” In one of the previous essays I’ve already stated that if we are looking for some kind of change in our lives we must contemplate on the concept of space.
In truth space is always here but if we feel change is long overdue we don’t actually pay attention to it. People who want change but it just doesn’t happen usually don’t notice that their space is already full. And still many are seeking new activities, relationships or other things which they think will initiate change in their lives or simply for distraction until change comes along.
Through the course of our life almost all of us hold on to something that we should have let go way back. It may be a favorite object or a person close to us. It may be a certain view or a mental construct. It may be our achievements, wealth, prestige or status. Or they may be emotional states or behavioral patterns. Some things are more subtle than others and therefore harder to notice.
The longer we are holding on the stronger the mental bond becomes. And it’s exactly that mental bond that occupies (what it should be) free space in our lives and consequently a potential for change. It’s not the house or the car, for instance, that consumes a lot of our time, energy and occupies a lot of space in our lives. It is our bond or attachment to that object. One person can have a car and doesn’t think about it even once except when he or she needs to go somewhere with it. Another person can treat it like it is his child.
Many people try to control change. They want to know how it will happen and then decide if they will allow it or not. But true change doesn’t happen that way at all. For true change we have to become a different person. And how will the old self know how the change must come about to become the new self? It’s impossible otherwise the old self would already make the change.
It’s not so much a question what to do to make something happen but what to let go to invite change into our lives. If it doesn’t want to happen it can mean that although we are consciously desiring change we are subconsciously resisting it. If someone invests a lot of time and energy in something of course it will be hard for him or her to let it go when it is time. It takes a tremendously courageous person to see the time has passed for something he or she has invested years or even decades of his or her own life.
If we really want change then we will dedicate our time and energy to cultivate more space in our life. There are different ways to do that but one of the most effective is definitely a regular meditation practice. If we are sincere in our practice then meditation doesn’t just improve our perception so we can see more clearly where we are holding on but it also makes the mental bonds weaker so we are more easily able to let go of what no longer serves us.