We like definitions very much. We teach children all sorts of definitions in schools since early age, we like to define new things in our environment we come to meet and we especially like to define ourselves. We like to define things outside and ourselves because of a sense of security. We think in that way we know the world and ourselves.
But the truth is just the opposite. No matter how good the definition is it is not reality. We can argue how good of approximation to reality it is but that is all. Isn’t it curious why we always have many definitions for the same thing? That’s why the saying goes that reality is just one but the delusions are many.
The problem is that when we define something we exclude everything else. We like to say I am a parent, mother, father, teacher, coach, artist, scientist… whatever. And we feel good when we are something, very few people like to be nothing. But the truth is we just limit ourselves with those labels. We are much more than that. There is probably no end to all the labels we can put on ourselves. We would sooner run out of words for everything that we are therefore why do it at all?
The main point I am trying to make is that the way you define yourself is the way you will live your life. Let’s look at some examples. If you define yourself as “poor little me” consciously or unconsciously the only thing you will seek is enjoyment in food, sex, drugs, alcohol, games, and many other things. If you define yourself mainly as the body you will look at yourself as a machine. Therefore the main thing you will do is look for ways to improve the body internally and externally. If you define yourself as a “good person” you will try to find out what is the definition of a good person and then be the best approximation of that definition.
Do you see the problem here? The problem is that you are faking it. Does that goodness just effortlessly flow from you without any effort and thought of reward or compensation? Or do you try to be good because you read or heard somewhere that it benefits you in some way to be a good person and therefore try to be that way?
Then people say to me: “But you are the coach are you not? And you are a father are you not?” The fact is we all play different roles in our lives. But we are not those roles. I play a role of a coach, I play a role of a father. Sometimes I play those roles better and sometimes not so good. But the only thing I can truly say that I am is that I am a human being. Everything else is a label, definition or role that we play in society. And I cannot even say that I am a true human being. Because even I haven’t yet washed myself of everything false that myself and society have pinned upon me. But we are all slowly progressing in the right direction.
In conclusion I would like to say: Don’t be a definition or a label. Just be. Out of what you truly are many good things can come, but out of lying to yourself, denying something or being a false person nothing good can come out. Ask yourself for really every area of your life: “Is what I am doing in this area of my life really flowing from me or do I have to force and pretend to get thing moving?” Thank you for reading.
